Risk?

A four letter word that wasn’t on my favorite four letter word list, until today. 

Risk brings into question several other four letters words too -no, not that one-

Fear, love, pain, loss….Why are all the strongest words have four letters? 

When we take a risk, we naturally show which team we are on. The fear team, where we are scared to death but feel compelled, maybe even obligated to move forward but the outcome scares the hell out of us. Or, for the positive, driven folks, excitement (notice it is more than four letters?). We want to try this and just dive in head first, outcome be damned. 

It really wasn’t until today that I thought of the risk in life. The risk of taking chances, and more so the risk of not taking the chance and it passing you by. Which is more of a risk actually? We won’t know until we try it but we also don’t know if we should. Where is a magic eight ball when we need one? 

I have lived my life with the “try anything once” attitude. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule [for the record, I will not be skydiving ever] but it wasn’t until today that I realized what it cost me. My ‘try anything’ brazen appeal meant I had to give away pieces of myself along the way. To the job change, to motherhood, to relationships, to change itself. Each decision made a twist in my journey, whether for better or worse. And at each twist, I left a little piece of me behind. The time I gave, the effort I put in, the heart to try. It wasn’t until today that I realized how many risk tokens I had left behind. How many were left to give away exactly, is there an infinite number? 

I suddenly am clutching my risk purse a little tighter, keeping the drawstrings tied. But at the very epitome of who I am, is closing myself off more of a risk? 

There are only a few words of wisdom I can part with and maybe they aren’t wise after all. 

We can’t try it all, but we can leave a little place in our heart to connect when the moment comes. By closing the risk connection port, we create bigger risk and perhaps bigger regret. And lastly, maybe the four letter words have all the meaning?